We need to talk about the lie we've all been sold.
The one that says progress is supposed to look like a straight line.
You hit rock bottom. You decide to change. You make a plan. You execute the plan. You get better. You stay better.
Clean. Linear. Predictable.
Except it never works that way.
Because life isn't a spreadsheet. And recovery, rebuilding, redemption, whatever you want to call it, it doesn't follow a script.
Sometimes you take three steps forward and two steps back. Sometimes you take ten steps forward and eleven steps back. Sometimes you're moving sideways and you don't even realize it until you look up and see where you've ended up.
And if you're measuring yourself against the myth of linear progress, you're going to drive yourself insane.
Today we're burning down the idea that getting better means never stumbling.
The Expectation
Here's what we expect when we decide to rebuild our lives.
We expect momentum.
We expect that once we commit to the work, once we start showing up and doing the right things, the results will follow in a predictable pattern.
We expect that effort equals outcome. That consistency equals progress. That if we just keep grinding, keep pushing, keep moving forward, eventually we'll arrive at some version of "fixed."
And look, I get it.
That's how we're taught to think about success. Set a goal. Break it into steps. Execute the steps. Achieve the goal.
It works great for business plans and project timelines.
It works terribly for human beings.
Because the reality of rebuilding your life is that some days you're going to do everything right and still feel like you're drowning.
Some days you're going to backslide into old patterns even though you swore you wouldn't.
Some days you're going to wake up and feel like you've made zero progress, even though you've been showing up every single day for months.
And if you're holding yourself to the standard of linear progress, those days are going to feel like failure.
But they're not failure.
They're just reality.
And here's the part nobody tells you: the expectation of linear progress doesn't just set you up for disappointment. It sets you up for shame.
Because when you believe that progress should be predictable, and then it's not, you don't blame the expectation. You blame yourself.
You start thinking there's something wrong with you. That you're not trying hard enough. That you're broken in a way that other people aren't.
And that's when shame takes over.
That's when you stop seeing setbacks as part of the process and start seeing them as proof that you're never going to get it right.
And once shame's in the driver's seat, you're done. Because shame doesn't motivate you to keep going. Shame convinces you to quit.
My Example
Let me tell you what this looked like for me.
When I got out, when I started rebuilding, I had this vision in my head of how it was supposed to go.
Get stable. Get work & cash coming in. Rebuild my business. Rebuild my relationships. Move out of my parents' house. Reconnect with my daughters. Get back to some version of normal.
Step by step. Box by box. One thing after another.
And for a while, it felt like it was working.
I got the consultancy off the ground. Started bringing in clients. Launched the newsletters. Reconnected with people I thought I'd lost forever.
I was checking boxes. I was moving forward.
And then I wasn't.
The momentum stalled. The clients dried up for a minute. The relationships hit friction points I didn't see coming. The newsletters felt like screaming into the void.
And I hit a wall.
Not because I stopped trying. Not because I gave up. But because progress isn't linear and I was measuring myself like it should be.
I expected that if I just kept doing the work, the results would follow in a predictable pattern.
But that's not how it works.
Sometimes the work you're doing today doesn't pay off for six months. Sometimes the effort you put in doesn't show results at all. Sometimes you're planting seeds in ground that won't break for years.
And if you're waiting for linear progress to validate your effort, you're going to burn out before you ever see the harvest.
Here's a specific example.
About six months after I started the consultancy, I had a stretch where I couldn't land a single new client. Not for lack of trying. I was pitching, networking, following up. Doing everything I was supposed to do.
Nothing.
And I started spiraling. Started thinking maybe I didn't have what it took anymore. Maybe I'd lost my edge. Maybe the market had moved on and I was just chasing something that didn't exist anymore.
But here's what I didn't see at the time: I was building something that wouldn't show results for months.
The relationships I was investing in during that dry spell? Those turned into referrals six months later.
The content I was creating that felt like it was going nowhere? That built credibility that opened doors I didn't even know existed.
The discipline I was maintaining even when it felt pointless? That proved to myself that I could stay in the fight even when I wasn't getting immediate validation.
But if I'd been measuring myself by linear progress, I would have quit during the dry spell. I would have looked at the lack of immediate results and decided it wasn't working.
And I would have been wrong.
The Truth About Progress
So here's the truth.
Progress is cyclical, not linear.
You're going to have seasons of momentum and seasons of stagnation. Seasons where everything clicks and seasons where nothing does.
And that's okay.
Because the goal isn't to never stop moving forward. The goal is to not stop moving at all.
Even if you're moving sideways. Even if you're moving in circles. Even if you feel like you're treading water.
Movement is movement.
And as long as you're still in motion, you're not stuck.
Here's the other thing about progress: it's not always visible.
Some of the most important work you'll ever do is the work no one else can see.
The internal shifts. The quiet decisions. The moments where you choose grace over guilt, responsibility over blame, showing up over hiding.
That stuff doesn't show up on a resume. It doesn't translate into a social media post. It doesn't check a box on your rebuilding timeline.
But it's the foundation for everything else.
And if you're only measuring progress by external results, you're going to miss the most important changes happening inside you.
Let me give you another example.
There was a period where I was showing up for my daughters but felt like I wasn't making any real progress in rebuilding those relationships.
The visits were fine. We weren't fighting. But I didn't feel like we were connecting the way I wanted to. I didn't feel like I was breaking through the walls that had been built during the years I was absent.
And it would have been easy to look at that and think I was failing.
But what I didn't realize at the time was that showing up consistently, even when it didn't feel like it was working, was building trust.
Not the kind of trust you can measure in a single conversation. The kind of trust that accumulates over time. The kind that says, "He's here. He keeps showing up. Maybe he's not going anywhere this time."
That's invisible progress. But it's the most important kind.
And if I'd given up because I wasn't seeing immediate results, I would have missed the moment when that trust finally broke through.
How to Navigate Non-Linear Progress
So how do you actually navigate this?
How do you keep going when progress doesn't look like you thought it would?
First: Redefine success.
Stop measuring yourself by outcomes you can't control. Start measuring yourself by effort you can.
Did you show up today? Did you do the work? Did you choose grace when guilt would have been easier?
That's success.
The results will come. But they'll come on their own timeline, not yours.
And here's the thing: when you redefine success this way, you take back control.
You can't control whether a client says yes. You can't control whether a relationship heals on your timeline. You can't control whether the work pays off this month or six months from now.
But you can control whether you showed up. Whether you did the work. Whether you stayed in the fight.
And that's enough.
Second: Expect setbacks.
Not as failures. As part of the process.
If you go into this expecting that you'll never stumble, never backslide, never have a bad day, you're setting yourself up for devastation when it happens.
But if you expect setbacks as part of the deal, you can plan for them. You can build in margin. You can give yourself grace when they show up.
And here's the key: when a setback happens, you don't treat it like evidence that you're failing. You treat it like data.
What happened? What triggered it? What can I learn from this? What do I need to adjust?
That's how you turn a setback into a step forward, even when it doesn't feel like it.
Third: Track the invisible.
Keep a record of the internal progress.
The days you didn't spiral. The moments you stayed present instead of checking out. The times you chose to show up even when you had nothing left to give.
That's the progress that matters most. And if you're not tracking it, you're going to forget how far you've actually come.
I started keeping a simple note on my phone. Every day, I'd write down one thing I did that I was proud of. Not big things. Not dramatic victories. Just one small thing that represented forward motion.
"Showed up for client call even though I felt like garbage."
"Called my daughter even though I didn't know what to say."
"Didn't spiral when the pitch fell through."
Small things. But when I look back at that list now, I can see the pattern. I can see the progress that was invisible in the moment.
And that's what keeps you going when the external results aren't showing up yet.
Fourth: Give yourself credit for staying in the fight.
This is the one nobody talks about.
When you're rebuilding, just staying in the game is an achievement.
Because the easier option is always to quit. To give up. To decide it's not worth it.
And every day you don't do that? Every day you wake up and decide to keep going, even when you don't feel like it, even when it doesn't seem to be working?
That's worth something.
Don't minimize that. Don't act like it doesn't count because you didn't hit some external milestone.
Staying in the fight is the foundation for everything else. And if you're still here, still trying, still moving, you're already winning in the way that matters most.
The Real Takeaway
Look, I'm not telling you to lower your standards.
I'm telling you to adjust your expectations.
Progress isn't a straight line. It's a messy, winding, sometimes backwards path that eventually gets you where you're trying to go.
And the only way you lose is if you stop walking.
So stop beating yourself up for not being further along. Stop comparing your chapter three to someone else's chapter thirty.
And start giving yourself credit for the fact that you're still here, still trying, still moving.
That's the work.
This is Grace Over Guilt.
Next episode, we're going back to 2023. To a game night that reminded me why any of this matters in the first place.
See you Friday.